I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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