So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
