Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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