does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
