Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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