Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
