Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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