so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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