I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Less talking, more tequila
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
