I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
