I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
