she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
