Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
