the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
