Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize