where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
