Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
