I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
