remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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