It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
