His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
