Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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