i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
