12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
