I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
