I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Help. Why am I so naked?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
