Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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