she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
