u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
