Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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