: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
