the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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