dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
