If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
