So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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