Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
