I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So many bounce houses so little time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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