my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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