Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
