I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As shirtless as possible
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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