what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
