Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
