Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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