I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
