Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
