I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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