wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
