hell yes lets make some ravioli
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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