You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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