I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
