I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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