My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize