It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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