i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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