i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
