Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
