I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
