What did we do last night that was yellow?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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