you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
