Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
