The brown eye won't let me do that either.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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