I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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