You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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