Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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