The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
