I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
