guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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