im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
