dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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