Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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