What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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