OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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