pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
