I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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