You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
