oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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