I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
