I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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