I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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